Cloud Catalog #146.

I had quite an unpleasant morning so I decided to listen to my The National playlist on my way to work. Next thing I know I'm already at the office, crying as I browse through some pictures of them on Tumblr. Memories, memories.

Cloud Catalog #145.

It's funny that when I die, someone would probably look for my name online and this blog would turn up, and he or she would read my entries and realize what a sad life I have led, how "easy" I have resigned myself to the world, as if nothing in life were beautiful, as if I have exhausted all means to make myself happy.

There are days when I feel like falling without really hitting the ground, like all my life I've been on a freefall, and I'm just waiting for the moment when I'd crash into the pavement and see myself in bloody pieces.

I've been tired. Very tired.

Cloud Catalog #144.

Oh god why is the idea of not doing anything so enticing to me. Why can't I just earn money from being so lazy. It's my greatest strengthhhh

Cloud Catalog #143.

Never will I ever lose you in my heart, boys

Cloud Catalog #142.

May mga gabi na mababaliw na lang ako dahil maagang uuwi ang ate ko at mainit ang ulo niya, magagalit sa lahat ng bagay na makikita, sisigaw, magbibitiw ng masasakit na salita, at malulungkot ako tuwing mapapakinggan ko yun, malulungkot kasi wala akong magagawa dahil kasalanan din naman namin, pero maiinis din ako kasi pare-pareho lang naman kaming pagod at tamad, mas masipag nga lang siya, at hinihintay ko na lang na kumalma siya pero matagal siya kumalma, marami muna siyang sasabihin, at mararamdaman ko na nakakapagod na lang mabuhay, na punung-puno ng problema ang mundo, na wala nang solusyon ang lahat, na hindi na bubuti ang kalagayan namin, na wala nang punto magpatuloy pa, pero maya-maya tatahimik si Ate, manonood ng TV na parang walang nangyari, at gugustuhin kong magpahinga at kalimutan na lang ang lahat pero may kailangan pa ring tapusin.

Cloud Catalog #141.

There are days when I imagine that my mother would have done other things aside from being a housewife, like, perhaps, working for a cafeteria--every time I buy food at the NIGS canteen I think of this--or perhaps she'd be selling siomai at one of those LRT stations, and I'd be visiting her there, buying as many siomai as I could, helping her earn, sharing them with her, waiting for her to pack up the stall so we could go home together after a stressful day. I would have wanted her to experience many things, stuff that I felt she's too scared to do. If I had enough money I would have taken her anywhere she wanted, places I knew we'd be happy to go. She's a great cook like most mothers, but it saddens me that I wasn't able to bring her to the best restaurants around. There's nothing I could do now but long for things we weren't able to do, things I wasn't able to provide for her.

Cloud Catalog #140.

I was asked to go to Melchor Hall today to send a document, and I passed by fourth and fifth floor, where I spent my first two years at UP. It was a good feeling walking down those hallways again, climbing up the stairs and seeing the posters on the bulletin boards, reminiscing some memories too soon to be forgotten.

Cloud Catalog #139.

Needless to say, this made me happy.

Cloud Catalog #138.

Well, I feel bad that my Hello Nasty CD, s secondhand copy I bought from an eBay seller, is skipping. Probably in the future, when I have extra money I'd buy the remastered one and hope that the disc won't skip anymore.

I've been listening to it in the past few days nonstop. It has my favorite MCA solo ("I Don't Know") and my favorite Ad-Rock solo ("Instant Death") and worse is that it skips on "Instant Death" and it kills me because Ad-Rock is talking about his mother and the freaking player or disc doesn't want to cooperate.

Anyway, I'll move on from this I guess. Soon--when I finally have money to buy a brand new copy. I hope a miracle happens one of these days and it plays perfectly crisp.

Cloud Catalog #137.

Breakfast at work. 

Cloud Catalog #136.

1, 723, 453rd reason I have for loving Jimmy and JT:

Cloud Catalog #135.

Having fun playing this collection of early Beastie Boys EPs called Some Old Bullshit.

Now look at that young MCA and Mike D!

Cloud Catalog #134.

The first impulse of any good film critic must be of reason.

Cloud Catalog #133.

My first book purchase for this year. Because it's (1) by Leonard Cohen (2) brand new but cheap (3) hardbound (4) graced by a lovely cover (5) by Leonard Cohen.

Cloud Catalog #132.

I've been trying to hold it in but this depression really has its way of coming out. It drains me and leaves me with nothing but this sinking feeling. I wish I was just being whiny. Tell me, where will I go now that I'm lower than low?

Cloud Catalog #131.

Madame de... is one hell of a crazy movie. It's about this materialistic and spoiled lady who sells her precious pair of earrings (the wedding gift from her husband) only to have it back again several years later, now from a charming suitor who has bought it in Constantinople. It's one of those narratives too resilient to be true, but never for a second does the film show any sign of force. On the contrary, it's heavy with grace and wonders. And those long takes and exquisitely shot dances are lovely!

Anyway, this is my favorite scene from the film, in which Madame de.... fishes for compliments and gets them:

Her suitor Donati visits her. He was challenged by her husband to a pistol duel. Of course, being such a gallant baron provoked by an esteemed general, he agreed. She asks this question ^

Which he answers with flattery. And then not even a fraction of a second after:

LOL MYGAD WOMAN YOUR EYES TWINKLE OH SO SUDDENLY 

And then she plunges into self-pity again. What a brat.

Anyway, as I said I love the movie, warts and all, and even the warts I truly enjoyed watching. Max Ophuls is excellent at telling romance stories that go round and round and round. You gotta admire the costume design and art direction too.

Cloud Catalog #130.

So I was joking Keith Uhlich earlier today...

Cloud Catalog #129.

From "The Beastie Boys Are Back In Town" by Joe Levy - Rolling Stone, August 6, 1998

Ad-Rock: "I'm trapped in the past," he says, joking. It's a joke he makes often. "I love the early days," he says, faintly smiling, which is the expression he wears almost all of the time. "I guess everybody would like to be able to go back to the early days with all the knowledge you have now. And, of course, if I was in the early days, I'd be saying, 'I can't wait for the later days.' But you get nostalgic for that shit. There was nothing to do but hang out. It was good times. I was a lucky kid. I still definitely get to hang out, but it's not the same kind of hanging out. And, you know, I just get nostalgic. The changing times and shit. I get nostalgic for Atari. You know what I'm saying? For a cheeseburger. You know? But they're all still within reach. It's not that big of a deal. I'll manage. Be all right."

Horovitz's mom died before the release of Licensed to Ill, and I felt for him when he said this:

"It would have been nice for her to be alive and to see some of the stuff that I've learned. She always knew there was more going on with me than just being a fuck-up. And it would have been nice for her to see that she wasn't just dreaming that up. But, you know, what can you do? That's life. That's why life sucks."

Cloud Catalog #128.

Great tribute to the B-Boys from Chuck D way back in 1998. I teared up a bit when MCA made his speech about the war. Such a brave and admirable man. 

Then I laughed hard when Ad-Rock spoke to express his love for his mom and girlfriend (?). I really love his arrogant face.

Cloud Catalog #127.

It's a few minutes past 8 PM and I would just like to raise a toast to the month that was, the very moment where Ayn and I were exactly a month ago, in a crowd of thousands of people, facing the stage where our favorite band of all time was performing, the ground shaking as everyone moshed to the music, and Ayn and I felt that all the stress was worth it, that we were there, that we chose to be there.

CRAZY 4 RADIOHEAD 4 EVER!