Stop!

It's not really a pressing concern as far as emotional fulfillment is concerned, but a huge source of worry for me these days is I can't stop buying books, bordering on the insanely excessive. I order from Book Depo and Better World Books, then there are Booksale and Fullybooked and National Bookstore and Powerbooks branches, then recently I discovered Blink, an online site that sells used books and carries some interesting titles.

Ugh this whole business of waiting long weeks for payday and then once it comes all I do is splurge on damn paperbacks! Hell! But what can I do  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ huhu I wish I can just control it — or be more disciplined.

There are at least two film festivals coming in November, and I want to catch them, of course, but I need to save up if I am intent on seeing the films. But whenever I think of those books I want to buy and read eventually, that childish satisfaction coming from not only owning things but also possessing them — in fact, living in them — how can I fight the urge?

Ayn told me a few days ago, as we were choosing stuff to order from BWB (on sale!): Buying books is never unwise. Huhu Ayn not helping.

Wednesday.

OK, so almost eight hours later, at the office, stalling as always, I'm feeling better now than earlier. Must be the sleep? Or the sudden downpour on my way to work? Or this anticipation for the next book to read? Ha well, whatever the reason, I hope the feeling stays.



And so I have decided to  clean my desk and drawers! It took me two hours, I don't know why. That's half of my desk in the picture. I still want to post as many postcards as possible on the "wall," but I don't know how to make it look decent and not haphazard. Anyway, maybe when I have more time. Because right now it's still quite busy. Back to work!

Crap.

I've been feeling unusually terrible over the past few days/weeks and I have an idea why, but articulating it only makes me feel worse so there's that. It's neither silly nor childish, it's quite reasonable in fact, but it's useless to dwell on it and I wish I could just make it go away or forget it. Too much drama but hey — human.

There are some issues I'd rather not discuss — ha, what's the point of blogging or writing my thoughts here — but sorry I'm really feeling lazy and putting those thoughts/sentiments into words will just leave a bad aftertaste. But I'm just putting it out there in case I want to look back on some things.

Then there's the usual obsession with a particular person and the sexual frustrations connected with it. Ha, sexual!

It's 4:15 am, I need to be up in a few hours later for work. I just finished a book — my fifth this month, I think — Marias's Bad Nature, Or With Elvis in Mexico. His prose is exhilarating.

Anyway, got to go and sleep.

As always.

I tried sleeping early last night (past midnight) and woke up early today (around 8:30). That's still pretty late for a wake-up, but at least not as bad as the past few weeks when I managed to get out of bed at around 11:30 or 12 and arrive at the office at 2.

Always a slow mover, I got out of the house at 10, walked to the train station, and, thinking it was still too early, dropped by National Bookstore in Glorietta to buy a card for Ate and window-shop. Ha, that pleasure of looking at things and touching them with the hope of having them some time in the future. I even talk and whisper to books I can't buy!

Anyway, it's my favorite NBS branch, and it always has a way of surprising me with new acquisitions. I saw Final Exam, The Melancholy of Resistance, Exercises in Style, What We See When We Read, among other things, as well as great covers of Llosa. HAAA WHERE IS MONEEY

Payday is still more than a week away huhu and I'm crawling towards it.