Cloud Catalog #169.

So last week I had a Trouble Will Find Me listening party, alone and happy, the way it should be:

Listening party in my room. Lights out and I'm the lone participant. Here we go: 'I Should Live In Salt'

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

'Demons' : its gloom still makes me smile

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

'Don't Swallow the Cap' : rumored to have been inspired by Tennessee Williams's death

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

And that line 'And if you want to see me cry, Play Let It Be or Nevermind' is rather funny in a somber way

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

'Fireproof' : the Jennifer song

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

'Sea of Love' : a rush of blood every time i listen to this. Hearing this live would be insane

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

' I see people on the floor, sliding to the sea '

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

'Heavenfaced' : am still figuring out which other National song it sounds like. Anyone? Quite a silly thing to ask, i know

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

Let's go wait out in the fields with the ones we love. And look for astronauts.

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

'This Is The Last Time' : ranks among their best, even stronger than 'Fake Empire'

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

'Graceless' : the 'Bloodbuzz Ohio' of this record, beautiful to infinity

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

' It's the side effects that save us ' still slays me

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

' There's a science to walking through windows without you ' is another slayer

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

'Slipped' : my favorite song here, my 'Runaway,' my 'Slow Show,' my 'Fashion Coat'

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

So I cheated and played 'Slipped' again. No one and nothing complained.

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

' I don't need any help to be breakable, believe me ' - my life in ten words

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

'I Need My Girl' : neither a filler nor a hit, but am happy it exists

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

'Humiliation' : my heart is floating, its effect is dizzying

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

'Pink Rabbits' : the one that asks ' am i the one you think about when you're sitting in your fainting chair drinking pink rabbits '

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

' I was a television version of a person with a broken heart ' - @pitradactyl and I

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

'Hard to Find' : the farewell song. The vanderlyle crybaby cry. Good night, everyone.

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 11, 2013

I had fun, obviously.

Cloud Catalog #168.

So I was on my way to work this morning and since I was having a hard time reading I decided to listen to Trouble Will Find Me instead, an impulse I usually get in the last few days. The jeep finally reached Skyway and "Graceless" was playing and it's one of those "I'm so happy I could die" moments so I texted Petra and Ali: "Trouble Will Find Me on Skyway! I see people on the floor, sliding to the sea!" Not more than five minutes later, one of the wheels got busted and the driver parked it on the side, making me panic. I looked at my phone: 5:36. Oh my god. Nooooo. I ran to the nearest bus stop.

*

I am putting this in writing so I'd be forced to remember: NO MORE EXCESSIVE BUYING OF BOOKS !!!! Save up !!! You never know when a National concert might happen !!! Within the year !!! Or early next !!! Please !!! Make it happen !!! THE NATIONAL CONCERT FOR THE SECOND TIME PLEASE !!!

Cloud Catalog #168.

I want want want want want want this hug.

Cloud Catalog #167.

Do I need a reason for posting this? Another day. Another day with these guys trying to save it.

Cloud Catalog #166.

So this happened yesterday:

Guise inform niyo naman si Rocco Nacino na ako ang soulmate niya

— Richard Bolisay (@richardbolisay) May 13, 2013

And then someone crazy picked it up:

@richardbolisay meet @nacinorocco

— jade francis castro (@castrojade) May 13, 2013

And voilà!

@castrojade @richardbolisay hello.. haha

— Rocco Nacino (@nacinorocco) May 13, 2013

Life can be sweet sometimes.

Cloud Catalog #165.

I wish I could tell you everything, but since I have stopped writing here I feel that putting feelings into words is no longer important, no longer relevant to anyone or to anything even to myself.

But yesterday was something I'd like to recall, or at least look back on because I remember doing the same thing when High Violet was released.

Trouble Will Find Me was leaked two days ago and since my laptop kept crashing I only managed to listen to it yesterday. The first thing I did when I arrived at the office was download it, and fortunately, since doing that was forbidden, I was able to do so without getting reprimanded. So download I did, and funny how the simple act of transferring the tracks to iTunes made me weak, so feeble, frailed by the easiness of the task.

I had work to do that day, a bit heavy in fact, but from time to time I switched to this window. How calming it was, how liberating. I was happy it turned out to be good upon first listen.

And as you can see in that photo, I browsed through some old posts I wrote on The National. I even came across an entry I wrote after I first listened to High Violet. April 2010, a time when Iya and Nanay were still alive. They saw me playing the album in the living room so many times. Mostly on the weekend. They listened to that album, unconsciously, I played it and I knew they heard it. They knew how much I loved it. Now both of them have departed.

That same morning Petra and I were texting each other, gushing, obviously sharing the same feeling. Then she said: 

And it's weird being told this because sometimes, out of vanity and self-centeredness, I feel that it's true.

I listened, listened, and listened. A number of phrases made me tremble:

I have only two emotions Careful fear and dead devotion. I can’t get the balance right. Throw all my marbles in the fire. I see all the ones I wept for All the things I had it in for I won’t cry until I hear 'Cause I was not supposed to be here.

Oh, when I lift you up you feel Like a hundred times yourself I wish everybody knew What's so great about you 

Let’s go wait out in the fields with the ones we love. 

I'm in the city you hated My eyes are falling Counting the clicks with the living dead My eyes are red 

There's a science to walking through windows without you 

Am I the one you think about When you're sitting in your faintin' chair drinking pink rabbits? 

Tunnel vision lights my way Leave a little life today

I listened to it more intently after work. I walked around two bookstores in Alabang Town Center, and I guess I felt so happy that I bought books and realized how I'd poor I'd be in the coming days.

Life is short. Make the most out of it. Embrace its sadness and joy. Its pain and pleasure. Look forward, look back, it doesn't matter. Just live.