You Have Killed Me: The Pain Playlist (Starring the Jestoni Alarcon of "Huwag Mong Buhayin ang Bangkay")

Dodo tags me, and I can't say no to my dad. Five songs of pain but more like songs with pain, always personal because what's the point of it all otherwise?

On the contrary, I'm in a fine mood lately, seeing smiles in sad songs. A little sidetrack work-wise, hopelessly devoted love-wise. Nevertheless, here I am, afloat. Here go my strokes to reach the shore.

Hang with Me (Robyn) More like a silent kill after an explosive heart-crash, because really, when the refrain kicks in and kicks another and kicks over and over, how can you not be in bloody mess and yet wanting for more? Only Robyn can nail it without trying too hard. And frankly, without trying anything. She just needs to open her mouth and sing like Orpheus.

This Modern Love (Bloc Party) This goes without saying but I am saying it anyway: I bleed every time I hear this. Old wounds taste sweeter, though.

I'm Alright Now (David Ford) My memory is good when it comes to remembering where I was when I first heard the song, and this one here played, of all places, as the Central Terminal train sped fast right in front of me. You know, cinematic, with the wind blowing my hair as my tears fell. But it's schmaltz for good reasons, whatever they were. It's like I cannot sleep for dreaming / This is everything I could have possibly hoped it would be / A lot of stories will end happy ever after / But I swear nothing quite like you and me. Really, I cried over that? Now it's just funny, but then this was salvation.

Too Too Too Fast (Ra Ra Riot) Not pain exactly, but what pain is exact? Rarely does a song get me up just to make me cry. By the time it sings When I look in your eyes, what am I supposed to do? I am left dumb-founded, groping for an answer. The fact that Ra Ra Riot care makes it harder, waiting for our response as they build a bridge so wrenchingly insane I want to spill my guts all over the stage. This is mad, but mad is written all over me.

James (Camera Obscura) No, this belongs in the playlist not because of the title, but I gladly understand if you believe so. Campbell's voice arrests the moment of numbness, when you can still feel the pain but you think it's just grace dressed as pain, or grace clad in rapture. But I'm lying: this one is here because of James. And when I look back and read this and find myself stupid remembering all this gooey feeling, I think that serves the purpose of this list. To wax nostalgic all I like. I'd like to celebrate you, dear / All in all it's been a pretty good year. Not yet, but I surely will.

Tagging whoever but especially Ayn, JB, Megan, Janina, and Thor.


Don't Look At Me - Rooney