Cloud Catalog #70.

It's almost 3 A.M. and I'm finishing off some episodes of Modern Family season two after having a quick post-midnight snack and a few rounds of teasing with my sister. Also, waiting for this freaking concert download to complete. Seeders, wake up!!!

I cry over the comfort brought about by this loooong weekeeend! I'll miss this!!! I wish every day and night is like this!!! Arghhhhh!!

Cloud Catalog #69.

We really need to move out of this house. Soon.

Cloud Catalog #68.

I'm on a good mixture, I don't want to waste it

Vacation started two days ago and I haven't really done anything worthy to write about, not that I need to, but my days were just wasted on watching replays of television shows and my nights on browsing the Internet and reading and playing music in my room. I usually sleep at around 4 A.M. and wake up past lunchtime, and it's the best feeling in the world. My sisters would be awake by then, and I'd happily lie on the couch and grab whatever's on the dining table. 

When my mother died I think my siblings and I have gotten closer, and I'm happy that I'm spending more time with them than with anyone else. As I type this, it's 11 P.M. and my father just arrived, desperately drunk, staggering as he's being carried by my brother. My eldest sister is reminding him not to piss again anywhere inside our house, because he's an irresponsible man who pisses everywhere when he's drunk, even at a basket of clean clothes. So now you know why I don't have any sympathy for alcoholics. Anyway, we're more tempered now with regard to his drinking than before. But I still hate him for not having any concern at all with his health. 

I promised to listen to new music during the holidays, having received some downloads from Ali, but aside from One Direction (sorry!!!!) my iPod's fixated on The National again, especially on Alligator. I believe listening to The Black Sessions has rekindled this, and all feelings considered, I can safely say now that this is my most favorite record of theirs. Man, "Friend of Mine," "Looking for Astronauts," "Lit Up," "All the Wine," City Middle," "The Geese of Beverly Road," and god, "Baby We'll Be Fine"--every track is so freaking beautiful. I wish I also saw them when they toured for Alligator, so I'd be able to hear all these songs live. I'm dying to see them again, as in dying dying dying. They're a billion times better live! What I'd give just to watch them again in concert. Huhu.

Cloud Catalog #67.

The best and finest and most beautiful and saddest and most adorable and vulnerable singer in the whole world -- Matt Berninger -- to whom love is never enough, but even the pain that comes along with it. Thank you and your band for being with me through these toughest motherless times.

Cloud Catalog #66.

(What a crappy lo-res camera phone photo!)

As promised, I decided to start reading novels again to occupy my time, so I picked up Jonathan Coe's What A Carve Up!. It's engaging to say the least, especially after finishing the 40-page prologue. Coe has been a personal favorite of mine for quite so long. His prose is wondrous, and his humor is gold. By the way, is there any chance that someone could give me a copy of Pat Jackson's film No Place Like Homicide (What A Carve Up! in the UK), which the book makes use of?

Cloud Catalog #65.

This fucking essay project is the death of me. I want to do this ^ every day at work.

Cloud Catalog #64.

Thank you, Lord?

Cloud Catalog #63.

I love you, Matt! You crazy person!

Cloud Catalog #62.

"I always felt that the great high privilege, relief, and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing." - Katherine Mansfield

Cloud Catalog #62.

>> I think I can say with finality that I hate my boss, and it's hard to stay in a company where you're pushing and pulling at the same time, so I thought if I chose not to do anything I'd be left alone, but some unfortunate things would happen and tension would rise and I'd be back to saying that I hate my boss again with finality and blog about it.

>> To be fair, I gave him the attitude - inspired by Ebony from America's Next Top Model British Invasion - so that was that.

Cloud Catalog #61.

It's a few minutes before 3 A.M. and I have to go to work later but here I am watching some of The National videos recorded at their Singapore concert and I couldn't express how thankful I am for Youtube and this exhilaration of reliving that feeling again amazes me so much I don't want to sleep again or else I'd dream a beautiful dream and might not be able to wake up again.

I love you, The National. No one can ever taint my beautiful memories of you and your music. No one.

Cloud Catalog #60.

Very very useful in the days to come.

Cloud Catalog #59.

GORDO AND LIZZIE FOREVER ♥♥♥

Cloud Catalog #58.

Pinapanood ko si J magbalat ng ponkan. Yung tinatanggal niya yung puti-puti tas hinihimay-himay. Ayan, ngumunguya na siya ngayon.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA KADIRE 'TONG POST NA 'TO, PLEASE. PAKA-STALKER. WOEANONGAYON NASA LIKOD KO LANG NAMAN SIYA HAHAHA K, BALIK TRABAHO KAIRITA.

*PS jusko ampogi niya ngayon pero ang juba juba LOL baka mabasa niya 'to so just to clarify, hindi naman siya majuba. chubi chubi lang. chubi chubi, ganyan. chub chaser!

Cloud Catalog #57.

Alam mong naghihirap na ako kapag:

(1) Kadiri na yung kinakain ko (tulad nung mga calamares na tinitinda sa kalsada)

(2) Nangungutang na ako sa ate ko (dati ako yung inuutangan niya!)

(3) Hindi ako nagbabayad sa dyip kahit may pambayad (e makakalusot naman!)

(4) Inom ako nang inom nang tubig (glug glug)

(5) Hindi na nagtetext (duh walang load)

(6) Nagtetext through Gmail (duh wala ngang load)

(7) Internet nang Internet hanggang sa maging sabaw (libre naman ang Internet sa bahay, hindi nga lang makadownload)

(8) Naghahabol ng mga may utang (tang ina niyo!)

(9) Nagsosorry sa mga inutangan (huhu sowee pohz)

(10) Nagbablog na lang (dahil walang pamasahe para makipagkita sa mga kaibigan)

Ang ibig sabihin niyan, naghihirap ako ngayon! Donasyon naman dyan, guys! XD

Cloud Catalog #56.

It's been raining on and off since this morning, and I wish the weather will just make up its mind. My poor shoes have holes, I need a new bag and a pair of eyeglasses, I am dying for a yearlong rest, and god knows stuff I want to accomplish if only I were not this lazy and stressed and tired and down and out. Yes, rain, you're not helping.

Work is becoming unbearable, and adding insult to injury, we'll be given four essays every day to proofread starting next week. God, torture. Just the thought of it is making me want to plank on the sidewalk.

What made me happy today, considering that our office network blocks everything I like including lyrics sites, is that I was able to download some bootlegs from The National gigs, particularly The Black Sessions and The White Sessions, recorded sometime in 2007. The former is heavy on Alligator material while the latter is on Boxer. Loved them both. I told Ali that The National concert I attended last year is one of the most life-affirming moments I ever had. It's true. To quote Vonnegut, everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. What would I give to see them again and have the chance to hear "Looking for Astronauts," "City Middle," "Driver, Surprise Me," or "The Geese of Beverly Road."

I once created a list of my top five songs by The National and it was hell difficult. The only thing I'm certain about it is that it will change every time. For instance, I am confident now saying that "Baby We'll Be Fine" is my all-time favorite The National song. Seriously. It hits me so hard I sometimes avoid listening to it. The live performance above is inferior to the studio version, but that bit at the end is nothing short of amazing. Enjoy, as I bury my face into these revisions, wanting to slash my wrists. I hate work!

Cloud Catalog #55.

Twitter works for me and I like how it keeps me informed and entertained at the same time but I keep checking it consciously and unconsciously that it takes up a lot of my energy, which I wish would be channeled to far more important things. I always end up loathing myself for wasting time browsing through my timeline and clicking nonstop. USELESS! UGH. The perils of social networking. I need to make a compromise. By the way, I'm enjoying this renewed love for Blogspot. Don't you all miss circa 2004-2008 blogging? When everyone took the time to leave comments and strike up conversations?

Cloud Catalog #54.

Peter Silberman recorded this beautiful album when he was twenty-one. I turn to it every time I feel lonely and it works all the time. I snap without really snapping.

Cloud Catalog #53.

Nothing irks me more than having a superior ask me to rewrite a very difficult double-passage. Fuck it, OK.

Cloud Catalog #52.

Sometimes I have this strong hunch that I will never feel better again, that I have already had the happiest moments of my life and all that follows after them is a collection of harmless but razor-sharp fragments of utter loneliness.

To those who left unintentionally, and to those who didn't~